||[Jun. 21st, 2007|02:06 am]
Offender's Name: Kane Masterson
Offender's Fandom: Resident Evil
Notable Traits: Facial scars, assassin of punctuation, less brains than the zombies he's meant to fight.
Weight: 210 lbs. (all muscle)
J: No organs or blood.
L: No, zombies eat those.
J: Well, they certainly wouldn’t have found any brains to eat here.
Occupation: STARS Operative, Specializes In Stealth, Sniper Ability, Explosives And Hand-to-Hand Combat.
Appereance: Lean and muscular, he keeps in shape,
J: Ten points for Captain Obvious.
from lifting weights at his place, jogging eight miles every morning and practicing Crave Mahga.
J: That’s a rarely used art. The fighter overwhelms his opponent with sheer stupidity.
L: True masters can knock out someone twelve feet away, just with one well-placed made-up word.
His shoulder-length black hair is pulled back into a ponytail. He always wears a pair of Wiley-X P23 Glasses with mirrored Blue lenses to hide the two vertical scars on his eyelids, the result of a past mission with Special Forces and the reason for his call sign-Scarecrow.
J: Matthew Reilly just called. He wants his fucking character back.
L: Originality is for losers, you know.
J: Yes, someone else did something you thought was cool, and you copied them, ergo, you are equally as cool.
L: Or maybe it’s an homage, ergo it’s not a rip-off.
J: You just wanted to say ‘ergo’, didn’t you?
L: … maybe.
J: You’re so cool.
L: Fuck you.
He has a constant five o'clock shadow, looking as if he needs to shave.
L: Captain Obvious is just racking up the points today, isn’t he?
His left bicep has the Delta Force logo tattoo’s on it, his left forearm having the Special Forces logo tattoo’s on it.
J: It’s apostrophe murder out here today.
L: Poor little things, never stood a chance.
His entire right arm is tattoos
J: He had the arm removed and just has ink instead.
L: What the hell is this guy? Nothing but a bunch of muscles and now he’s missing an arm?
in an intricate Tribal design.
J: He later claims to be Irish. Wouldn’t it make sense to call this Celtic rather than Tribal?
L: I’m confused as to why ‘tribal’ needed a capital letter.
J: Because it’s better than just a regular tribe. It’s the Tribe.
L: Like in Survivor.
J: There already is a Resident Evil: Survivor.
L: So that must have been him.
When going into the field he wears his Delta Force beret. Wears a tight fitting black t-shirt with the Punisher skull on it underneath his vest.
L: I’m picturing him in a maroon vest with blue diamonds around the middle.
J: But then no one would see his l33t Punisher t-shirt.
L: I don’t see how they could see it anyway, if he’s wearing *any* vest.
Personality: You would expect to see this man in a train station
L: What is a train conductor?
J: What is a train driver?
L: What is a porter?
J: OK, the joke’s old now.
L: What is a homeless man sleeping off his latest crack hit?
or in passing on the street, but if you saw him in the mall or in your neighborhood he would seem out of place.
J: Because your neighbourhood doesn’t have streets.
L: Yeah, you’re weird that way.
He isn't easily intimidated, is righteous, very rarely cries,
J: This is making me cry.
L: ZOMG crying iz 4 girlz LOL!!1
J: I’m going to choke you now, OK?
trustworthy, loyal, would rather die and save his friend than live himself.
L: You know, I think there’s a word that means exactly that.
J: You mean, ‘self-sacrificing’?
L: That’s the one! I wonder why it wasn’t used.
J: This is going out on a limb, but it might be because the author is a fucking moron.
L: Yeah, that could be it.
He has courage, and strength in times of stress, panic, and chaos.
J: The rest of the time he has trouble standing up under his own power.
L: Does he have cancer?
J: Dude, that wasn’t cool.
L: … so that’s a yes?
He isn't very social, and only has a couple really close friends. He tends to beat down upon himself, a bit of a perfectionist.
L: (as Kane) And I’ll! Keep! Beating! Myself! Until! I get it! Right!
J: You’re hitting yourself? Here, let me help.
History: Born in Ireland but raised all over the world, in different Martial Arts, and cultures, but with no father and his mother who had died when he was born, his parents were both Irish making him a pureblood.
J: This is Resident Evil, champ, not Harry Potter.
L: Oh wow. That sentence just made me vomit a little.
J: Kids! Only you can stop sub-clause rape.
He is proud on many occasions
L: Like in his parades.
J: Yes, I get it, Gay Pride Parade.
L: You get my jokes now? Damn, I’ll have to start trying harder.
not afraid to be cocky
but often his temper gets the best of him. After many years of Pro Wrestling
J: Pro. Wrestling.
L: He is… the Zombinator.
J: Pro. Wrestling.
L: I bet he owns a lot of spandex.
when he was older he went into the Military
L: So first he was a wrestler and then he went into the military? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
J: The spandex was starting to chafe.
L: This makes no sense. And it’s making my head hurt.
J: Here. Use this painkiller.
L: That’s a hammer.
being on of there most impressive specimens he was brought to the STARS organization, In Raccoon City. Where there,
L: ‘Where there’? Even if he meant ‘were there’, that still doesn’t make sense.
J: You still expect sense from this? You are more optimistic than I.
L: Wait, we’re near the end? So there really is no hope?
J: There’s hope of it being over soon.
he quickly rose through the ranks was leader of many teams at one time.
J: Mirrored glasses, awesome hand to hand skills, field command… is he trying to replace Wesker?
L: Why not? Who needs canon?
J: Yes, who cares that STARS only had two teams in total?
L: Not me.
J: I’m getting some bleach to wash the stench of this away.