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Sporkage XII [Dec. 31st, 2006|08:52 pm]



Offender's Name: Kalabar Alexander Spellman
Fandom: Harry Potter
Roleplay Style: forum
Notable Traits: Anti-Punctuationist

About Your Character:

Name: Kalabar Alexander Spellman

K: Halloween II: Kalabar’s Revenge!
J: Wasn’t Spellman the surname of Sabrina the Teenage Witch?

Age:17 / Birthday:July 29 /
Blood-Type: Pure
Hogwarts House: Huffulpuff 7th Year

J: Thank God. That means he’s in Huffulpuff, not in Hufflepuff.

Pets:A black dog who it Chow,

J: Do you think he means “eat chow”? He does seem to aim for phonetic spelling.

Lab, and German Shepperd, mixed named Charlie


Eyes: Black comforting eyes

K: My eyes are comfortable too. *nod* They’re like a couch.
J: Mine feel all snug in my head.

Hair: Black Dyed
General: Pale skin,slim, tall, Lip ring, and weares tight clothing and a belt all the time, with his robe over it of course

K: Cheer up, emo kid.
J: You mean poser emo kid.

Kal is cool and calm most of the time, he hates snakes and is very smart he doesn't like the attention he gets for being a rock stars son or the writers son


Place of Birth: Paris, France
Nationality: English
Languages: English, Pig Latin

K: That counts as a language?!
J: What about dog latin?

Parents: Tom Spelman, Angle Spellman

J: Angle? That’s a rather obtuse name.

Siblings: Unknown

K: Unknown or none. Not that I want to be his shrink or anything.
J: Unknown, because internationally famous wizards always have secret children.

Other Family Members: Unknown
History: Kal had and easy child hood most might say being the son on one of the most famous Rock stars in the wizarding world and his mother a top selling Book writer.

K: *gives Kal the gift of punctuation*
J: You’d think he’d have it already, since his mother is a ‘Book writer’.

As a child Kal received attention from mostly everyone and Traveled

K: He can Travel! Wheel of Time collides with the Wizarding World. He’s *special*.
J: I was hoping for much longer before the inevitable crossovers.

alto with his dads tours to
other country's they settled in Egypt for a while while his dad worked on songs and his mom toured the Tombs and wrote about the mummy's and things in there.

K: You know. Dirty things. Kal liked to keep his black clothes clean.
J: But black hides everything.

Finally they moved back to England in there mansion which was highly guarded and charmed because Voldemort was on his highest.

J: Voldemort always did like the ganja.

Bu tin the gated acers

J: Is that his dad’s band? Now playing, the Gated Acers.
K: No, it’s Bu Tin, The Gated Acers!
J: Oh, so his dad is Bu Tin, and they’re the Gated Acers. I thought he said his dad’s name was Tom.
K: He’s clearly easily confused. Bu Tin may be his father’s name in Vietnamese Pig Latin or something like that.

Voldemort was all but a nightmare to Kal until when Kal was 14 Voldemort killed his mom and dad as they refused to join him. A funarel was held and in the news many family and friends came to pay there respects Kal expected all to go to his uncle but all was left to him the payed of house the money every thing had bin taken care of like his parents saw this coming.

J: I wonder how much punctuation this sentence would need to make sense.
K: *counts* one. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. And that was just punctuation. Not editing for spelling or comprehension. You can do that part.
J: … I don’t want to, I’m scared.

Later when Kal was walking the house for the first time it was his he found a note on his fathers study the writing was slanted and Kal saw the signature Voldemorts

J: That’s something the rest of us call ‘reading’.
K: Voldemort did *thinks* mitosis. He’s plural now.
J: Multiple Voldemorts. Or did Voldemort draw little Voldemorts as a signature?
K: *imagining little magical pale faced red-eyed kids marching across a wall* I’m not sure that’s the best signature. It’s like Youth Death Eaters or something.

he had bin telling them to watch there back for he would have people fallowing them and not to tell anyone or they would die. Kal now hated voldemort more than ever

K: He wasn’t mad when they killed his parents but the nerve of him to write a note! And his signature! Appalling, really.
J: It’s the kind of thing you really should do in person.

but knew that nothing good could come from it he had not the power to stop Voldemort as a 4th year Ravenclaw at Hogwarts. Kal kept with trying to find family he couldn't remember many of his family he hunted down people who had bin at the funaral trying to find how they knew them and found most uncles and aunts and cousins and close family friends.

K: The “bin” thing is starting to irk me.
J: Would you prefer a dumpster? Or a trash can?
K: There isn’t a trash collector in the world that would accept this piece of…whatever it is.
J: I can see my garbage disposal choking on it.

but now times change Kal still searches for his family

J: More proof that he’s an idiot. He *went* to his parents’ “funaral” and has met his family, and yet he keeps looking.

but is a 7th Year Ravenclaw at Hogwarts and has bonded closly with many people. but drama find him every year

K: Emo-ness and all. He’s got a drama magnet hidden in his comforting eyes.
J: That explains why there’s no room in the head for a brain. Or is he trying to say he always joins the Theatre Club?
K: The Experimental Theatre Club. You know.

so he waits for whats to come and what will voldemort do now that he is back to power?

J: Go find that ganja plantation, probably.


Quidditch: No he is more of a rule fallowing person and prefers books
Wand: 13 in, Holly, Banshee hair

K: *opens mouth and begins to wail like a banshee* Gosh that must be terrible annoying to have a wailing wand.
J: It suits the emo kid. Wah-wah-wah.

Sample RP:
“Whose there”

K: Whose WHAT? Whose wand? Whose shadow?
J: No, whose There. You know, their There.
K: Ooooh, I get it. He knows whose There is there.
J: There ya go.

Kal said turning in the dark walls

J: He’s inside the walls?
K: No, he just flips them inside out.
J: Or did he dob them in for malicious loitering?

it was after hours and he was doing his round

J: He’s buying drinks?

a shuffling sound came from behind him and the shadows moved with stelth. Kal turned and lit his wand as a hem of a robe flew by he moved his wand after it but only saw a portrait “turn out that light” The man bellowed in the painting “Were trying to sleep” he said “ sorry” Kal replayed.

K: Because he’s a very stealthy person himself.
J: Instant slow motion replay?

A noise came from behind him and a hand touched his shoulder Kal began running threw the halls

J: He *threw* the halls? Super!Emo kid.

trying to find a teacher but was soon hit with a spell and was knocked out.

K: He lit his wand, followed someone, but when someone was near him, he runs away? Did he ever go to the Defense against the Dark Arts classes?
J: No, he was too busy being angst-y.

The next morning Kal woke up in the hospital cuts and burses

K: Bruises caused by the impact of purses on the body.
J: He’d been beaten by a gang of geriatric women.

all over him “What happened to him” a teachers voice asked

J: The teacher was in a completely separate room, but had sent their voice to see to him.
K: Because they went to their Charms class unlike Super Stupid Emo Kid.

“we don’t know Nick found him in the hall like this last night.”

J: Damn hit-and-run geriatrics.
K: These crimes are really on the rise now. Hogwarts isn’t safe anymore.

Another voice rang in

J: I hadn’t realised this was talkback radio now.

“there was someone in the halls I don’t know who” Kal managed as he sat up “I don’t remember any thing but they did say a name “Wormtail I think yes it was Wormtail stop him than I was knocked out I was in the fourth floor I don’t know what’s there but they were after it”

J: They were after the punctuation. They stole it all.

Kal said leaning on the pillow his arm in a sling

K: He hears things when he isn’t conscious.

“I do” the teacher said than ran out of the ward

J: (as teacher) “Merlins beard we will be stuck speaking like this forever”

“What is it that the person was after” Kal asked the nurse

J: Since he suffered from punctuation deficiency from an early age, he wasn’t aware of the terror this provoked in others.

but was soon given medicine that put him to sleep ether to avoid the question

J: Giving someone ether *will* make them avoid questions.

or to let Kal’s body rest and heal. But Kal kept dreaming about what was there and the nightmare that had happened a snake like human face flashed in his eyes the murder of his parents his body twitched and squirmed in the bed from the dream and his body filled with hate.

J: And the bed filled with urine.

Kal woke and made his mind now he would do whatever it was to help stop Voldemort.

K: (as Kal) Damn Voldemort! He ruined my hall-walking experience!
J: (as Kal) Now I’ll have angst every time I go down a corridor. Hmm… actually, maybe I should thank him.

[User Picture]From: babyfirelizard
2007-01-26 07:50 pm (UTC)
So first he was in "Huffulpuff," then Ravenclaw?
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From: fallenangeltoby
2007-02-02 04:41 pm (UTC)
Of course! Yellow just doesn't go with being a "Tickle Me Emo" It's far too cheery.

Go for Blue and Silver, both are notoriously depressing colors.
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[User Picture]From: saorisan
2007-04-21 12:01 pm (UTC)
I honestly feel dumber after having read that. I think I want to cry now.
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[User Picture]From: veiled_silver
2008-01-25 05:49 pm (UTC)
do you have ANY idea how difficult it is for me to stop from rolling on the ground and die of giggles? My brain is gone! I no longer exist!
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From: sunlightdances
2008-03-06 04:01 pm (UTC)
Languages: English, Pig Latin
I love when Americans think anyone besides Americans knows Pig Latin. I learned what it was from a Simpsons book I was bought when I was 13.

he had bin telling them to watch there back for he would have people fallowing them and not to tell anyone or they would die. Kal now hated voldemort more than ever
Voldemort had been watching season one of 24?

Oh god, this is marvellous. It fills the space that babb_chronicles left in my life.
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From: sunlightdances
2008-03-06 04:04 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: talumin
2008-03-06 10:03 pm (UTC)
I can't believe I didn't mock that part further.
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[User Picture]From: amredthelector
2008-03-11 03:05 pm (UTC)

The fail is amazing. I seriously cannot stop laughing.
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