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Sporkage X [Dec. 6th, 2006|05:24 pm]



Offender's Name: Runelords Jedi
Fandom: Runelords Official
Role-Play style: Forum
Notable Points: Master farming, travelling hunts, all-earth diets, and a very lost Jedi Knight.

History of the runelord Jedi

V: In a galaxy far, far away…the pain of cross-over names felled the MSTers of Eyespork and they had to turn to many shots of vodka and numerous other forms of sanity in order to keep their brains within their skulls.

Personality of Jehdiha: a farmer who loves earth a lot.

V: He has earth for breakfast. He has earth for lunch. He has earth for dinner.
J: Well, they say you have to eat a bushel of dirt before you die.
V: In that case he must be a zombie, which might explain lack of grammar.
J: Zombies might have good grammar.
V: They get them from zombie!schools. Where they teach zombie!grammar. A zombie!grammar school!

Has an affinity for earth in some ways.

V: Eating earth will do that.
J: It’s coming out his pores.

Age: 20
Eyes: sky blue
Hair: long brown with a very light green tent to it

V: His hair has its own tent. Convenient.
J: That must help when it rains.
V: And if he’s dyed his hair with that cheap stuff you can get at second-rate chemists.

Skin: tanned from hours farming with a hint of dirt coloring

V: He doesn’t bathe. Eew.
J: No, that’s the dirt leaking out.
V: Oh. Right.

Height: 5 feet and eight inches
Build: visibly muscled on lean and flexible body
Name: Jehdiha (Jedi for short)

V: *facepalm*

There is a village of fifty people in the area of land to them known as no mans land.

V: “So, Sammy, where you off to then?” “Going to go to no mans land, sir.”
J: No Man’s Land? Then why are they living there? It’s not *theirs*.
V: Knowing our luck it might just be ‘there’s’ though.

They are not sure who their king is, if they even had a king at all. They were that isolated from the world. In this village, there are farmers, a smith, a wood worker, and other things that a small village has.

V: ‘fill in appropriate career choice in space provided’ ___________________
J: Farrier, town bicycle, potter…
V: …village idiot… every village has one, after all.

This village is a peaceful village that everyone know each other, they took care of one another, no matter who they were or what lands they came from. In this village, there is a family that did many things for the village. They were known to help anyone that needed help, no matter what it was. This family has grandparents, uncles, aunts, parents, and other siblings in one house. Since this family did so many things for this village, that the village gave them what they needed to survive and more, on just on what they did that if they needed something, they would work for it, so the payment was something that they needed or wanted.

J: So… who did what to the who now?
V: The he did the what to the them. I think.

One day when the mom and dad of a talented child of three of this family, went into the woods one-day to go looking for some meat for the village, these two adults were the known to be the hunters for the village.

J: That’s what happened when they went out? They were known as hunters?
V: There were two other adults in the village who were known as the gatherers, and still two others known as the planters, etc.

In their journey of the hunt,

J: I don’t think you journey hunts. You hunt on hunts.
V: Unless it’s a new career path or something…walk the tables and become the hunt journeyman or something?
J: This is just confusing.
V: I wonder if they have tough exams for becoming a hunt journeyman?

they came upon an injured wolf. When they were helping the injured wolf, a huge Reaver

V: (For info on the reavers he is discussing here refer to the Runelords books by David Farland…not that it will make that big of a difference…) …and why is it always wolves?! Someone help a parakeet or something!
J: Because wolves are mystical and honourable and not at all bloodthirsty killers when given the chance.
V: But…I like parakeets. *pout*

came out of no where

J: Which was the neighbouring kingdom to No Man’s Land.

and killed the parents with one fast blow to their midsection with a staff.

J: Their joint midsection. Are the parents one being?
V: Talk about a really confusing incestuous relationship. No wonder the kid’s so messed up.
J: I wonder which one gave birth.
V: I don’t.

When the wolf saw that the two humans where trying to help him when the Reaver came, the wolf howled a sorrow howl

V: Wow. The wolf howled a howl. I’m impressed.
J: Better than skipping a howl. Or howling a whisper.
V: Oh, I don’t know…howling a whisper has this whole impossible label written on it. It would impress me more.

and ran away to safety, because wolves knew when to fight and when not to.

V: So do parakeets. Just so you know.
J: But who wants a parakeet sidekick? That’s not ‘cool’.
V: But…they’re CUTE!

After the Reaver attacked the parents, a traveling woodsman that was hunting the Reaver saw what happened, killed the Reaver with his archery skill,

V: For which he rolled 6 on a D6 in the initial character creation step.
J: He didn’t use a bow or arrow. He pummelled them with the skill.
V: Because when he rolled for ‘pummelling’ he got a bigger score.
J: That made the piece of paper extremely heavy.
V: You reckon he pummelled the thing to death with paper cuts?

and called his loyal force horse.

V: Who didn’t actually exist because force horses are expensive. Or perhaps the woodsman is really a prince in disguise…that would be interesting.
J: Jedi… and a force horse… I sense a great disturbance…
V: As if a thousand voices suddenly cried out in complete and utter dismay.

He looked through the parent’s hunting gear

J: Looting the corpses. Classy.
V: He’s got to make a living somehow I suppose, obviously his other skills are lacking.

to see where they came from, and found out that it was not that far away. He took the bodies,

J: Which is a shame, because the wolf hadn’t eaten in days.
V: Poor wolfie.
J: It’s ok. The wolf can snatch a child from the village and eat that.

the gear that they had and put them on the horse and headed to the village.

When the traveling woodsman came upon the village, the villagers had an idea what happened.

V: Really? And here I was thinking that –someone- would have sent them an email by now!
J: They naturally assumed he had killed the pair and was now exhibiting the bodies to show how bad-ass he was.
V: Wooohoo!

The woodsman went to the small inn that the village had, which was shaped into a u-shape. He went into the inn and found the innkeeper at one of the tables with the mayor and the council of the village,

J: Because they were all getting drunk.
V: And having a party.
J: Thankfully, it wasn’t orgy night.

and told them what happened out in the woods.

J: (as woodsman) I’m a total stranger to you, and I’ve got two bodies with me, people you know and care about, but I totally didn’t kill them. Honest. You can ask my force horse.
V: (as village people to force horse) Is he telling the truth, horsie? (as force horse) Neigh!

When the time came for the talented child to know on what happen to his parents, he was 7 years old. This child’s name is Jehdiha .

V: Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.
J: *increases morphine dose*
V: Oooh…pixies!

After hearing on what happened to his parents, and why they were where they where,

J: The letters ‘W’, ‘H’, ‘E’, ‘Y’ and ‘R’ would like to apologise for that sentence, and request that they be not used for a few minutes.

he decided to help any living being, be plant or animal of the lands in memory of his parents, if it did not interfere with the work that he would need to do to live in the village.

V: Because being super altruistic doesn’t really help when you’re starving.

When the villagers heard this, they became in awed by this act,

J: They had never heard such a stupid plan before.

and decided to help him with anything that they could do to help

J: Help him with help? “Here, have some help. It’s gift-wrapped.”
V: "Why thank you, kind sir, here have some thanks, I'll put it in a bag for you."

in their powers.

During the next six years, Jedi went into the woods as much time as he could and helped anything that needed any help.

V: He probably brought a watering can with him. You know, this guy makes those Greenies look lame.
J: So if I needed help gutting him and selling his carcass to wolves, he’d help with that, right?
V: Um…I think so.

During this time, the traveling woodsman stayed in this village to be their meat gatherer.

J: After the success with bringing back the bodies, they assumed he knew where to find animal carcasses.

So, when Jedi went into the woods, the villagers hired the woodsman to watch him so that he does not get into any danger. So, when Jedi came back from the woods, a few minuets later,

J: Always with the dancing.

the woodsman came out with some meat for the village.

J: Which had just fallen off the trees. Fortunately, as it turns out, because the woodsman kept going off to dance.

And when the child Jedi was in bed for the night, the traveling woodsman told every single thing the child Jedi did.

V: So he’s a storyteller in disguise!
J: Tattler.

Some of the other stories about the child Jedi where of the things like when he could tell if an animal had an infection and had an idea on how to treat it, or when some one in the village came down with a sickness, the boy went to see the sick person and helped him or her to get over being sick.

V: Because s/he just couldn’t seem to forget it.
J: “I keep having recurring dreams about the time I had that awful head cold. The sniffles, the running nose… the horror…”
V: (chorus) Oh the horror!

When the boy Jedi aged to thirteen years,

V: Like wine. Or vinegar.
J: He’d been matured in a cellar.
V: In an oak barrel.
J: To give him that fruity essence.
V: *sings* Fruity oaty bar, fruity oaty bar!

he asked one of the farmers if he could be their apprentice.

J: Farmers don’t have apprentices. They have hired hands.
V: Or hired feet, really depending on what the work was for the season.
J: All feet on deck!
V: Ar!

The farmer was very glad that the boy Jedi asked this,

J: He needed someone to treat like a workhorse.

that he took the boy back to his family’s house and told them what Jedi just asked to do. They talked a bit and they agreed. And the boy began his years of farming at the hands of the master farmer in the village.

J: The master farmer, eh? How many years do you need to study to become a master of farming?
V: All your life?
J: I bet you that the ‘Jedi’ manages it in months.

After years of farming, Jedi grew into a person of caring, dedicated and loving the lands that he lived in. Jedi brought the village into a golden age with his knowledge of the ways of the Nature.

J: Told ya.
V: *hands over the money with a sigh*

While working on farms all over the village, since every farmer grew different things, he helped everyone in the village to prosper. They eat healthier,

J: He introduced them to the ‘all-earth diet’.
V: Did they lose any weight? You could make millions off today’s market with a good new diet, all you have to do is sell it off as being the ‘new’ thing.

and did not get as sick.

J: They still got sick, mostly cases of indigestion.
V: But those were remedied by the same diet (which causes constipation).

After years of farming, he felt that he had to leave for some time.

J: The fathers of all those unmarried, pregnant girls were starting to look at him suspiciously.
V: Not to mention all the no-longer-pregnant girls clamouring for child support.

To take with him, he took a couple of handkerchief/bandanas to keep the sweat out of his eyes while working, bow and arrows, two daggers, two dirks, a staff, a pack of farming clothes, a cloak that’s forest green, some food, and other unnamed things

J: They’re unnamed? Thank God, because you *know* he would have listed them as well.
V: He forgot to mention his pocket-full of Force that he kept handy for emergencies.
J: Like when the remote control was all the way on the other side of the room.
V: Or when he’s got to scratch that spot right between his shoulder blade where he just can’t reach.

that he made himself throughout his life for traveling, and if need, fighting.

J: If he really feels the need to fight, he just combats his possessions.

Throughout the Jedi’s years at the village, the woodsman taught the Jedi everything that he knew about surviving. Jedi became talented with a staff, daggers, and his body.

V: Body? BODY? What, he becomes a transformer and changes into a swo-…oh…nevermind, I won’t go there.
J: *snickers* Well, he’s at an explorative age.
V: No one’s that explorative.

And the woodsman also taught him on how to ride a horse. And when the need rose, be able to hide in the woods

V: Hide ‘n seek! I’m good at that game! I never turn up so they can never find me. That’s tact for you.
J: It’s a ‘How not to be seen’.
V: Exactly.

When Jedi left his village, the woodsman decided to come along for a while until he made sure that he was ready for the real world. To whatever that is, is to be yet decided . . ..

V: To be decided? Is that anything like to be continued? Or to be corrected? *hopeful look*
J: Your hope has no place here. This is the Pit of Doom.
V: *gives self another morphine shot* oooh…more pixies!
J: And yet, she’s still more coherent than the bio.
V: I should resent that…but I can’t, the pixies won’t let me! *wail*