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Sporkage IX [Nov. 27th, 2006|02:23 pm]



Offender's Name: Arithine the Wanderer
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Roleplay Style: Gaia
Notable Traits: Cannibalism

“Arithîne the Wanderer"

Alias: Arith; Silver Wanderer
Gender: Female
Race: Elf
Height: 6'1"
Age: around 2800

J: So that makes her born just about the time Sauron was defeated by the Last Alliance… think her mother was a war-bride?
V: For which side?

Place of Residence: None; Prefers to stay in the Shire
Family: N/A
Weapons: Longbow and arrows; Ashwood bow staff; 4 daggers (two double-bladed at waist,

J: Double-bladed daggers? These aren’t like guitars with two necks, are they?
V: Wouldn’t it be heavy carting around four of those?

one long in boot, one short on arm)
Animals: A silvery appolusa mare named Keiori that Arithîne met in Fangorn Forest. Arithîne lets Keiori run free when she is not riding her, and calls her with a soft wistle whenever she is needed. Have been compainions for years.

Z: That sounds about right.
J: Oh, the ‘pain’.
V: *passes around shots of morphine* Woohoo! Pretty colors!
K: Appaloosa? Is that what she’s going for? Ugly as sin animals. Stubborn and stupid with short raggedy tails. And they’re short. And fat. Her feet would drag on the ground.
J: That conjures an interesting image. Makes you wonder if she just walks along *above* the horse.

Appearance: A tall, elegant figure, and long silver hair, braided loosely about her back. Her scarlet eyes

J: Look! *points vigorously* Proof that the Sue is a demon!
V: *blinks* By Jove, J! You’re right!

are amoung the rarest of kinds,

V: So there are various kinds of demons. Who figured?
J: She did obviously.
V: Touché.

that can either burn a hole in your soul,

Z: Like this bio.
J: Laser beam eyes *are* rare. Unless you live in the Marvel universe.
K: Not just any demon…she’s a rare demon.
J: As opposed to the common, garden-variety demon. Like Balrogs, and Melkor.
V: Z, pass the super-glue and cardboard please, I need to patch up this gaping hole in my head.

or comfort you with compassion and friendliness.

J: If you like lasers, that is.

She wears a long, white-grey overcoat and a red bandana for a shirt.

J: Because bandanas are common in Middle-Earth. Saruman has one that says ‘Wizards do it for the Valar’.
Z: I’m so ashamed. My sister wears bandanas for shirts.
J: But your sister doesn’t have pointy ears and consort with hobbits.
Z: Not to my knowledge. Maybe when she was going through her LSD phase.
J: Maybe the Sue-elf is on LSD.
V: Either that or she’s been trying to cold-turkey off of it. With limited success.

A short layered skirt hangs about her waist, held up by a gold and silver belt. Her skin is pale, yet it glows radiantly when she steps into the moonlight.

J: This was caused by a thin layer of luminous fungus she picked up as a child.
K: Either that or the moon is radioactive.
V: Oooh, glowiness.
J: Fear the radioactive moon of Death!

Personality: Arithîne may seem aloof when first approached, but she is very kindly at heart, and it shows in her soft and light voice. She prefers to travel alone, although she knows she is lonely underneath it all.

J: Contradictory Sue. My favourite.
V: Do they come in shades of purple?

She is always most content when she enters the Shire, seeing all of the joyful halflings,

J: Running in terror from her approach.
Z: They thought she was gone for good.
J: You can never truly defeat evil.
V: ‘cos otherwise there’d be no room for a couple of sequels.
K: It was that fungus that makes her glow.
J: At least the Halflings get some warning.

living their secluded lives, in their calm and untouched envoirnmet. She formed an unbreakable bond with the hobbit Pippin Took.

V: I’ll bet.

History: Arithîne has been wandering so very long. She has chosen to forget her past, which she has been running away from for years.

J: Why is she running away if she can so easily forget it?
V: ‘cos she’s got a trick memory. It sneaks up on her; tis a living thing!
K: Exercise. Good for the health. Past. Bad for the health.
J: But she’s riding her spotty horse. That’s not running.

She was truely from the humble forests of Mirkwood,

J: And Mirkwood never really struck me as humble. Oppressive and dark, yes, but never humble.
V: Depends what year you got there…you could pick between RLY oppressive and dark or just a lil’oppressive and dark.

although she has no idea it was her original home.

J: And here comes the stupid.
K: *puts on Anti-Stupid Armor*
V: Contradictory- CHECK; Stupid- CHECK.

She left Mirkwood at the young age of 250, when her eldest sister, a noble to The Elves of Thranduil, gave her crescent moon pendant

J: First rule of killing Sues: distract them with something shiny.
V: I’m still working on why she’s got the capital ‘The’ in there, that’s distraction enough methinks.

and told her to run far away from home.

J: Run away! Far away and never come back!
K: *intones* Run, Simba!

She did this because she knew a handsome noble was to fall in love with Arithîne,

J: It had been organised for months.
V: All of the handsome nobles had made mark in their diaries and on their wall-calendars about it.

but was envious and thus fooled her younger sister.

J: She fooled her by being envious?
K: Envy is a complicated emotion for sues.
J: But isn’t everyone supposed to envy them? So they’d be used to it.

Arithîne took heed to her, and ran away, not knowing of the conspiracy that was set against her.

J: A conspiracy indicates that there is more than one person involved. Methinks all the Elves were trying to get rid of her.
V: ‘Twas a smart move.

She returned often to Mirkwood, but all memory of Arithîne was said to have been washed away.

J: It wasn’t really. The Elves of Mirkwood have an annual celebration of the day she left.
V: They called it ‘Live and Get Drunk’ Day.
K: She’s like that annoying person from high school you never wanted to hear from again.
J: My school had ten of them. I always worried that I might be the eleventh.

Arithîne had settled in the Shire often times.

J: She tried to settle but kept getting driven out by angry locals with scythes and pitchforks.

She became known to the halflings as "Silver Wanderer", whom loved to tell tales about her to little children.

J: Tales about the vicious Sue who ate young hobbit children raw.
V: And stole them from their cribs, replacing them with small little gooey froggy things.
K: Yum. Raw Halflings. My favourite.
J: And you can never just have one.

Bilbo was especially fond of these stories, and often recited them at his birthday parties,

J: It helped him get rid of stragglers at the end of the night.
V: And chase the kids away.

although his were the most acurate,

J: And spelt better.
K: And they were shorter than hers.
J: They went something along the lines of, “There’s an elf who eats people near. Now get the fuck out.”

since Arithîne and Bilbo became friends over her wandering years.

J: Well, the Ring was corrupting him by this stage.
K: He deserves an excuse, I suppose.
V: *nods* He wasn’t as clear headed as once he had been. Wait…wasn’t she irrefutably bound to Pippin? I’m confused, J.

But Arithîne's closest friendship was fromed with the young Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. When lost in the wood,

J: The *only* wood. So it should be the Wood. Or was he trapped in a door?
V: Not unlikely, given the accident-proneness of the hobbit in question.

an eight-year-old Pippin twisted his ankle as he tripped over a tree branch. Arithîne found the hobbits,

J: She’d been looking for a snack.
K: He was too skinny. She really wanted Sam.

brought them back to their home, and nursed Pippin's ankle back to health.

J: His family completely ignored Pippin, having ostracised him for bringing the Sue into their midst.
V: Pippin was known for bringing home strays, but this one was the last straw.

A friendship was born there.

J: It turns out that Pippin likes lasers.
V: And soul-holes.
K: And luminous fungi.
J: Pippin does like the ‘shrooms.

Arithîne left the Shire a day after, but set a promise that she would return to see Pippin again. And Arithîne never breaks a promise.

J: Can we make her promise to leave the Lord of the Rings fandom alone?
K: She’s evil. She’ll keep coming back.
J: Maybe if we cast her into the nothingness from whence she came.