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Sporkage V [Sep. 12th, 2006|11:24 am]



Offender's Name: Dailmar Gredmore
Fandom: Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time.
Role-play Style: Forum
Notable Characteristics: Getting away with attempted vehicular manslaughter.

Name: Dailmar Gredmore

V: Gredless. Is there a Gredless? What’s a gred?
J: It hurts already!

Age: 17

Nationality: Kandoran

J: *froths at mouth* It’s Kandori! KANDORI!
V: *hands over napkin* I think he might mean half-Kandori and half-Andoran, thus the ‘Kandoran’

Appearance: Tall for most people Dailmar still tried to hide in crowd.

J: What crowd?

Red hair adorns his head and is short in length so not to get in the way while fighting.

V: *takes notes* Red hair likes to jump in the way of an incoming sword apparently. Must keep on short leash.
J: What other ways could his hair be short in apart from length? Is it curt with strangers?
V: I think it might have a short temper. It’s red after all.

Lanky is what some people call him but they would be taken back by how fast Dailmar really is.

J: Because those things must be connected.
V: Obviously.
J: Lanky people are like snails that way.

Green eyes stared back at you if you looked at his face.

J: Only we didn’t, because that would mean acknowledging his existence.

Only one scar stood out on his face from playing with knifes as a small child;

J: Knife’s what?
V: Quick call the social worker! What kind of a mother let’s her lanky son play with kniFes! Knives is bad enough!
J: But Knife’s what?

a small slash on his right chin.

Z: Okay, I’ve heard of double chins, but left and right chins?
V: Maybe he cut his chin in half?
J: And it has a very small gay story named Tom. Cos… it’s slash… *hides*

Personality: Always trying to find a way to be the best, Dailmar often pushes harder than he should at times.

J: Which was a very big problem when people asked him to push them on the swings.

He also takes full responsibility for his actions but is reluctant for punishment if he thinks he does not deserve it.

Z: Whereas normal people love being punished when they don’t think they deserve it.
J: Fortunately, he’s a masochist with low self-esteem, so he always thinks he deserves it.

Dailmar is flirtatious and likes to make jokes.

V: Do they have a flirtation joker in a regular deck of cards?
J: No, you have to buy the special Playboy edition.
V: Oh.

When confronted Dailmar will stand his ground even if he is wrong sometimes, but in the end he will relent and admit he was wrong. Besides this Dailmar is very warm hearted

J: It burns!
V: *hands over eye-spork* So standing ground and relenting normally make a person cold-hearted?
J: Sweet eye-spork… you soothe the pain.

and tries to make friends where he can.

J: They will be few and far between.
V: Probably. Pushing people off swings doesn’t help with the relationship.

Weaponry strengths: (major)A pair of Daggers. “The most trusty thing a man could ask for.”

J: ‘Most trusty’? Well, it’s better than ‘most trustiest’.
V: Oh I don’t know, I thought ‘most trustiest’ has a more truer ring to it.

Growing up in the boarder lands

V: I didn’t know there was a land where they specifically had boarding houses…
J: It must be where Kandorans come from.
V: Ah. Do you suppose they have good rates there?

Dailmar grew up learning fighting games and such,

J: Like Street Fighter and Tekken.

but being as skinny as he was Dailmar was often overlooked when it time for picking teams. Life progressed this way and Dailmar found himself alone.

J: Life refused to pick him for its team.
V: And death obviously didn’t want him either. Thus no suicide track.
J: And clearly he was a shoe-in for shot put.
V: Lanky guys never seem to make any of the team-sports.

Finally taking up practicing with his father's knifes

J: So his father owned Knife? Slavery!

Dailmar found something to pour his extra time into except his studies. A few weeks after taking up the practice Dailmar had his accident,

J: What accident? Did he make a mess on the rug?
V: Bad puppy! Bad!

but this left him only more determined to practice harder.

V: Ewww.
J: Yup, we are going to have to put down newspaper.
V: I vote for keeping him outside!

His father tried to stop the practice

J: At least his father tries to housebreak him.

but he was almost never home since he was in the military and he was a regular at the inns.

J: Gah! Pronoun abuse!

It didn't help when his father died in bar brawl and left Dailmar with only his mother.

V: Specifically-dad dies, mom did not automatically die with him!
J: Leaving the way open for mother-angst later.

Many people tried to baby Dailmar because of his loss but he forcefully shrugged it off. He didn't want pity or to be babied.

V: After the carpet mess, I think he might need it. Diapers anyone…?
J: He did away with those. Forcefully.

Still people continued this and Dailmar just receded more. Dailmar's mother suggested that he should take up something again.

V: Rather than taking something down of course.
J: No scribing for him!

This was a slight hint that she would not mind if he started his daggers again and so he did. Dailmar also began setting his sights on the White Tower.

V: Even though he lived in Kandoran and the White Tower is leagues away. Bit difficult to see even with binoculars.

Reading books had run him across Gaidin.

J: Attempted vehicular manslaughter! He’s running over Gaidin!
V: Red light! Red light! Jay walking!
J: Maybe this was the ‘accident’ he meant. His hit and run.

Dailmar began setting his sight on the training the White Tower could have and also getting out of Chachin.

Saving money was easy for Dailmar because he had little to spend on.

J: Since he’s living off his mother anyway.
V: Leech. Red haired. Tall. Do they grow leeches that tall in the Amazon you reckon?
J: No. Only in Kandoran.

Deciding to leave at night was just logic because then he would not have to deal with his mother or the town's people.

J: *gapes* That apostrophe… It was almost used correctly!

Finally on the day he had set aside to leave Dailmar received a surprise.

J: *facepalm* I don’t like where this is going…
V: A puppy! To journey with him in his long and desperate attempt to find a place called home! (On the moon perhaps) Behold the first space-puppy!
J: Who gave a puppy to a puppy?
V: His mother?

When Dailmar went into his room to prepare to leave a bundle was placed on his bed of food and an extra pouch of money.

V: The comma is not that rare a phenomenon where I come from. C’mon, don’t be stingy with them.
J: I have quite a few commas. I keep them as pets. That one is called Timothy.
V: Maybe commas are a rare phenomena in Kandoran.

Staring incredulously at the package Dailmar began packing. After Dailmar finished filling his pack hap hazardously he turned his look at the package on his bed. Silently packing those

J: He packed in his pack all the things he could pack in his pack. So then they’d be packed.
Z: He packed dangerously? What was in there, his ‘accident?’
J: Maybe it was the Gaidin he ran over.
V: The alternative isn’t very attractive. Doggy-do in your pack?

as well Dailmar took one last look at his room. The walls with shelves full of different things that Dailmar had found over the years.

V: Cos he hadn’t had anything better to do so he’d gone beach combing in the Blight. *nods sagely*

His sturdy bed with a creek if you shifted wrong.

J: I once had a bed with a broken spring that stabbed you if you moved wrong, but his bed dumps you in a creek!
V: But if you shifted right it probably dumped you in a brook instead.
J: I knew a girl named Brook once, who was a lot like that.

Trying to memorize everything because he knew he would not return. Finally noding to himself Dailmar turned away and went to his door.

V: Noding to yourself. It sounds fatal.
J: Better than routing yourself.
V: I suppose you have a point.
J: I’m glad he did it ‘finally’. If he did it at the start, it might have been very uncomfortable.

Outside sat Dailmar's mother sitting on a chair drinking tea from an old Sea Folk cup.

V: For someone whose son has been leeching her dry of money she sure does have money to spend…drinking tea from a Sea Folk ‘CUP’? *facepalm*
J: Maybe… or perhaps… no. There are no words.

“You didn't think I would let you leave before I saw you off did you?

J: Saw him off at the legs!

Don't look at me that way, I knew.”

J: That she wasn’t wearing pants.
V: Or a skirt for that matter…but this is going off topic. Maybe he realised that if he sold that Sea Folk CUP she was drinking tea from he wouldn’t have to save money.

Quickly readjusting his grimace

J: Which was in his pack.

Dailmar finally let his mother's words sink in. That explains the package. “Don't expect me to stop you but remember you got to walk out the door.”

V: Because obviously he doesn’t know how to fly yet.

Smiling his mother gave Dailmar one last hug and brought him to the front door.

V: Did she carry him? I’m confused. I thought he could walk now. Or is he still crawling?
J: No, he’s on a leash. With his puppy.

Tucking his knifes into his belt Dailmar stood looking a the door. Opening the that door

J: His mother can afford doors with their own titles? All hail the mighty That Door.
V: I’ve got it! She probably had a set of those Sea Folk CUPs and sold all the rest and kept the one! That way she could buy a commission for the Door!

was the hardest thing Dailmar had done in his life,

J: That Door resisted.
V: Must be deep-forest mahogany or something.

but once through Dailmar felt like a new man.

Z: He’s sick of the Gaidin in his pack already.
J: I think the old one was beginning to smell.

Lets see what the White Tower looks like.

J: It’s white. It’s a tower.
V: It’s also TALL, but it doesn’t try to hide in a crowd.

Smiling to himself and walking to the gate he didn't see his mother crying behind him.

J: No, you generally don’t see things behind you. I’m glad this is behind us.

From: zoulvisia
2006-09-13 01:17 am (UTC)
Oh Lord. I don't even have the faintest clue about anything in the WoT world, but this was still hilarious. *wipes tears from his eyes*
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[User Picture]From: talumin
2006-09-13 03:53 am (UTC)
As long as we make you laugh, I'm chalking it up as a win.
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[User Picture]From: ofstarstuff
2006-09-19 09:47 am (UTC)
Oh dear Lord xDD I am a huge fan of WoT (about 200 pages into the 10th book), and this... hurts. A lot. Thank you, you've made my day ^^
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[User Picture]From: talumin
2006-09-19 10:22 am (UTC)
And this was the bio that was accepted. I shudder at what was thrown away.
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[User Picture]From: babyfirelizard
2006-09-19 04:47 pm (UTC)
It was accepted? I assumed this was one of the throwaways.... oh dear god.
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[User Picture]From: roadkilledkat
2006-10-23 04:03 am (UTC)
the pain.........the laughter...............oh that hurts..........I have......i'm.......speechless............can someone be THIS clueless ......
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